Embarrassed to the CORE.....

Totally embarressed myself...like totally...afetr a really long time this has happened and im finding it very difficult 2 digest...ill explain wat happened in detail...
I went to this engagement party at a five star hotel...and it happened to b the engagement of one of my childhood crushes...:P...i had many so...she was one of em...and as soon as i entered the hotel...i was feeling so under dressed...i mean every1 was wearing a blazer or a suit and i was there...in a formal shirt and trousers...i mean wat was i thinking...but this is not wat im embaressed about...oh and ya...wen i entered the hall...i see this guy...wearing almost the same shirt as me..same color...same pattern...and i was like " I wanna go home"...and i actually wanted to go home..but even this is not the reason y i was embaressed...after spotting the stupid guy with the same shirt...i very tactfully stayed away from him so people dont think were like twins or sumthing...or even worse...people might think we're waiters...:P...so i with my cousins chose a safe spot from where i cud see the entire cermony...oh n that girl was looking marvellous...i will fall short of words if i satrt describing how she was looking...she was stunning...2 pretty...my jaw almost dropped wen i saw her...god she was looking pretty...forget...shes supposed 2 look pretty...its her engagement...and that guy...he looked like some shahrukh ka duplicate from mohobattein...but sum1 told me he earns 5 lakh a month...and then i started thinking again...that money is actually everything...u dont have the looks...u dont have the brains...but u have money...and u get the best girl...:P...thats not fair...chuck...back to the point...so...i saw the entire cermony happen...the couple exchanged rings...cut the cake...everybody danced...and i was so tempted to dance...and u knw i realised one thing...me n my cousins...are way much better dancers than many other people..i mean we like totally kill the song man...and these people at the party...they were so not explosive types...so sophisticated while dancing...i mean who dances sophistically????forget...we're the BEST...:P...grrrr...i always drift away from the topic...so now i had food with cousins...observing the guests all the time...making remarks about their clothes...their behaviour...the place( it was 2 good)...the couple( the girl look so pretty....sigh....)...and then we went on stage to compliment the couple n their family...and there...i goofed up like...i cant even imagine i said sumthing like that...first i was like i shudnt go 2 wish them...coz this girl im talking abt i was seeing her after ages...i mean 10 12 yrs...and thats a long time...and ithot she wudnt b remembering my name..or who i was...so we went on the stage...me with my mum dad...my uncle, aunt, cousins...and i met the girls father...he was looking so happy...i wished him..i met the guy...i congratulated him and while doin that was thinking in my mind "u lucky bastard"...and then...i saw her...and she saw me...and she was looking like the most pretty girl ive seen...ofcourse that was all makeup..but shes was looking very pretty...and then she said" thanks mannu...thanks for coming"...and normally i shud have just said congrats...all the best for the future...or sumthing like that and walked away...but i...being the nutcase...numbskull...stupid moron...i was like  " U REMEMBER MY NAME"...( hides under the bed feeking embaressed)...i mean wtf...y did i even ask her that...and then i was like congratulations.. congratulations..to her n her family...we cliked a snap..and i walked off the stage...and as soon as i got off the stage...i got this mixed feeling...i was feeling nice that she remembered who i was...and i was feeling like kicking my ass...slapping myself so hard that i forget wat i just said...for asking her that nonsencical question...i goofed up bigtime...and im feeling like shit right now...may b coz ive embaressed myself after quite a long time...and coz she earns more money than me...and coz the guy shes getting married also earns more money than me...sigh...life sucks.....:...anyways i gotta go 2 work tmmrw...and im dead tired...and i hope i forget wat i told her...but im sure im gonna think abt this thing for another week b4 i return back to sanity....may god bless me...

Bakwaas

Lol...the name says it all...BAKWAAS...thats wat i do best...and i think its better i stick to it...coz if i try being sensible people will think ive gone mad...was reading a friends blog..and thought of writing my own...and since this is my first post...i think i shud write sumthing about myself...anyways i love talking abt myself...i dunno y...not that im 2 good a human or have many qualities..i think im just self obsessed...though i never accept it...chuck..

Confused...Crazy...Selfish...Mad...Insane...Stupid...Narcisst...Spontaneous...Coward...Fattu...(i cant believe im writing this...)..Distracted...and some more....these r the words that describe me...almost...

Im confused like...u cant imagine...i take the level of confusion to a completely new level...If there was a competition where the winner becomes the KING of CONFUSED...i would have been a GOD there...from the stupid basic decisions like wat to wear and wat to buy to the extremely difficult n serious ones...im confused all the time...

People call me mad...crazy..coz of the stupidity...the madness...the insanity that i bring along wherever i go...and this thing is reflected in watever i do...be it clicking pics...to cracking jokes ppl can die after hearing...or mimicing sum1...and i like that about me...there are very few things i like abt myself...this being one of them...i live the moment to the fullest...most of the times...making the most of wat ive got...

I crib....sumtimes...and i crib a lot...like a lot lot...for the silliest of things...for my friends not calling me..for not being able to do wat im capable of...for not earning as much as i want to...for not having a body as good as i want..( i work out very hard ok i dunno y im like this...shey)..abt my mom..(most of the time..lol..im such a dog.)..and later wen i think abt it i find myself so stupid...and kiddish...but its alrite...i feel much better after doin so...feel relieved...

I hurt people...many times...mostly unintentionally...actually always unintentionally...and i hate this thing abt me the most...my friends...my family...and most of the times im unaware that i hurt sum1...and later wen i come 2 knw...its like...i want 2 shout at myself.....slap myself for being so silly...and stupid....and brainless...bhangi...but none of this is gonna change wat happened...and then i keep thinking about wat would have happened if............i dinbt say this...i dint do that...i said this...blah blah...and then i make myself hate myself even more...

i expect a lot i think...out of everything...every1...never giving my best...my full fledged effort at anything...expecting to get the best...which i knw is never goin 2 happen...be it anything...an exam..or a game...i always know im capable of doin a lot better than wat i do...and its not that i dont work hard...its just i can work a lot harder...this is the thing i want 2 change about myself...and im trying to...slowly and steadily..


i talk a lot...sumtimes its like i have verbal diarrhoea...unable to shutup...even wen i knw i shud...speaking nonsense..all the time...sometimes saying things which offend others...sumtimes saying things which only i understand...(and a few others who r like me...completely insane)...and many like this about me...that i talk a lot...mostly all i do is bakwaas.. actually all i ever do is bakwaas...(see...the title suits perfectly...im a born genius..haaah...)..its fun though...i sumtimes cheer myself up by talking nonsense wen im alone and i want 2 talk 2 sum1...so its cool...there are very few people whom i can speak my heart out...like say watever i feel...witout feeling embarressed...without any hesitation...and these are the people who r closest to me...whom i turn to wenever im in trouble...wenever im happy...wenever im sad...wenever im confused...and i treasure them more than anything else...i might never tell them how important they are to me...or how dependent i am on them...but they are always remembered...every single day...


i love my friends and family...a lot....i might never b able to tell them how much they mean 2 me...i can talk shit like non stop but wen it comes to sensible talking...i cant utter a word..even i dont know how much i love them.....my friends are my lifeline...and my family is my support system...i cant survive witout either of them...since im out of college...i miss my friends a lot ...may b bcoz im so used 2 being with them that this sudden seperation is difficult to get accustomed to...all the times that we've spent together...the memories that we created...the laughter sessions we had...the night outs...the movies...the pranks...the fights...each n everything...i miss all of it...

im very confused wat 2 write...:\...let me end this writing sumthing good abt myself...coz im not a bad human being ok...and i make mistakes but i try 2 learn from them..so...im trying na...to b better...and trying is wat matters...All u shud have is faith in urself...and will, to give everything in life, ur best effort...




i think i shud stop now...have some important work...(yess...i have work...:)..shocked na...i knw..)...so i shud b goin...will post...i hope sumthing better...( i SUCK at writing u knw )..will have to think now wat 2 write..hehe...tadaa...ciao..